I feel like giving up.
Cecilie (Editor in Chief, Boys by Girls Magazine). says she won’t let me. I’ve worked too hard for what I already have.
C: “It’s just a screen thing, and how your images are seen on Macs. I lightened your images for the last issue as well. At least the Evan image. Don’t interpret it as shit, they’re great images.
Me; “It just feels like it. At the moment I’m questioning even continuing to do it (by it, I mean photography), so I might not shoot for a few months after the end of this month.
It’s more of a general comment about everything photography wise, not just these two. I just feel like I can’t do any work properly, it’s frustrating me to the point where I don’t even feel like doing it.”
C: “Let’s focus on presenting your work as best as we can this issue. So I am doing my part and helping you out to make sure it’s going to print the best on the paper we use :). Remember that you have been stuck on a PC in a very challenging working situation, hardly being able to work. Once you get your MAC, things will feel a lot more different. I’m 100% sure of it.
You can fight through this
You are amazing Sophie
Don’t stop believing in yourself.
You know I believe in you a lot with the faith I have in you. I’m gonna be that person that tells you to keep fighting because you are too talented not too. So I hope that will lift your spirits a little bit from frustrating PC situations.
You haven’t worked this hard to give up.”
Me: ” I just have no idea when the MAC thing is even going to happen. I don’t even have an invoice in yet, it’ll be Christmas at this rate, lol. I just feel like it’s a shit situation which I have no idea when I can resolve. I think that’s what annoys me more than anything. I think I’ve just got into a bit of a fuck everything mode today, sorry!
C: “I totally, totally understand that and I’m sure I would feel like giving up too! And then I would wish that I would have someone that would support me to tell me not too. So today I am that person :). You got a P.O from them, and that is a great step. I was in the same situation recently and it took ages, so I completely understand how frustrated you are. But this is a situation that will resolve itself, so just be patient and keep pushing them, saying they are way over the deadline to pay you. I’m sure the big payment situation is something that is causing you a lot of stress, and then it’s easy to get into that fuck everything mode. I have had so many days where I have wanted to give up too, and have to had to turn to others to tell me not to give up, and now it’s going well i’m feeling much better. You are so much hotter than me as a photographer these days, lots of magazines want you to shoot for them. So don’t go blind and forget those amazing things. I have so much admiration for what you have been able to do. You have been able to create a completely unique Sophie style, that is probably on every other photographer’s mood board at the moment. This is POWER Sophie, and it’s something that’s your duty as an artist to keep inspiring people. It’s tough, yes. Really tough. So if there is anyway I can help you through this one, you know I will! But you are such a fighter, and you’re amazing. I’m simply not letting you give up. Haha.”
Me: “It will turn out OK. I’m just having a frustration & venting week. I will buy some chocolate, take in your words, and get this retouching finished :)”
Note: I used to work as Digital Editor for Boys by Girls Magazine, and Cecilie has been a great support – both for advice, and uplifting spirits and has often helped me out when I’ve been feeling negative about my work. As a photographer herself, she is understanding, helpful and also a great friend. To see more of Cecilie’s work, click here, and to learn about Boys by girls, click here.